Wouldn't the end of the year be strange without
holiday celebrations? We might not participate much, or even
enjoy them all; but we probably have in our histories some
memorable ones... And why not work toward the standard of your ideal
holiday party? - bringing together the best elements of all the
enjoyable gatherings you've experienced (even if only in
daydreams). It might not be all that hard to achieve, if you
give it some thought.
The success of a party doesn’t work by formula... Obviously,
what’s wonderful fun to one person (or one group of people)
isn’t necessarily your cup of tea - or suitable for every
conceivable guest. So a successful celebration usually means
that someone has given thought to who and what and how.
Or am I wrong in thinking that "successful" means
to you what it does to me? - leaving a good feeling with everyone,
not just with myself as the party-thrower and maybe the small
percentage of guests who I enjoyed the most there. (Surely you’ve
been one of the other guests plenty of times... and didn’t
call that a successful party!)
As a potential guest, I appreciate being given some sort of
idea what a gathering might be like when I’m invited.
Because I can help the party-giver from the outset to make the
celebration successful... I can decide not to go if it sounds
like something I wouldn’t really care for. (Or it may just be
that I don’t currently have the time to devote to an
activity that sounds rather "iffy"... Too much
holiday celebrating, for instance, doesn’t promote the
goodwill that just the right amount of just the right
celebrating does!)
A lot of people don’t enjoy being with vast groups of
people who they don’t know - or only enjoy this at certain
times (like when they feel prepared to work at getting to
know them). Some people just plain don’t enjoy being with vast
groups of people. And I’m sure you’ve experienced the
discomfort of being with too small a cluster of people -
when it’s not the right blend.
Different types of holiday celebrations might be approached in different
moods... So as a host, one shouldn’t feel affronted at
knowledgeably-declined invitations. Some will be "can’t"s
- people with conflicting engagements. But it's good to
keep in mind that those people who for personal reasons don't
really wish to come are
helping by narrowing the field to participants who are
very likely to have a good time!
Some rather basic parameters will drive decision-making for
invitees... The size of the gathering, whether drinking is to be
a major focus, it’s really a dance (and that person can’t
dance), there will be lots of heavy food (and he’s on a
restricted diet), smoking is allowed in the room (and she’s
allergic to tobacco smoke), whether children are invited, etc.
And of course, it’s a little rude to invite parents with small
children to an adults-only party when you know they don’t
feel comfortable leaving them with a babysitter. Or to invite your alcoholic or
teetotaler friends to a drinking party.
...To my way of thinking, a party-giver has a responsibility
to think ahead about the guest list! - and, at the very least,
to let invitees know the essentials about what they’re getting
into. Then comes letting people out gracefully (which is a gift
that the inviter can give to the reluctant invitee).
Other activities, too, add layers of potentiality to a
gathering, as it were. In other words, the more theme-focused a
party becomes, the chances of "declinees" grows... if
you haven’t carefully chosen the theme to suit the group.
Well... to me, doing that is half the fun! I approach planning a
gathering like choosing the right gift for someone... it takes
some thought, and taking the steps required to do it
successfully adds to everybody’s pleasure in the result.
Of course, a holiday celebration really has some sort of a
theme as a matter of course. It can definitely be colored and
honed in a myriad of ways. But no, I don’t say that a further
theme is needed...
I do recognize, though, that when I look back on the great
parties I’ve attended or put together, those with a focal
point - no matter the occasion - are by far the most
delightedly remembered. A focal point (I won’t call it a
"theme" - that’s going a little further; though that
can be fun, too) is something around which the celebration
"moves".
I have to say that that’s why I don’t like "cocktail
parties"... Drinks might be fine; drinking (and certainly,
drunk people) as a default focal point leaves me cold! I feel
frustrated when all the members of a gathered group are left to
themselves to just perambulate seeking conversations to start or
crash, or to "wallflower" the evening away.
Having such knots of people as the background to something
else (maybe a series of things) that can draw the interest of
the majority may be the hallmark of a successful party;
having that be all there is to it is... Well, not for me,
anyway. Perhaps it’s really just a matter of "different
strokes for different folks" - though I have a very hard
time believing that adding another element or so to such a
gathering wouldn’t generally lift it up out of
"unsuccessful" territory automatically. (In any case,
just don’t feel the need to invite me to your cocktail party!
- unless you give me the job of morphing it into something
else.)
Besides, a sociable gathering of people is, to me, a special
time at any time of year - and I want to remember it
pleasantly. An appealing focal point gives me a "hook"
to remember it by.
It doesn’t have to be something elaborate (though I happen
to fancy the elaborate as well as the simple). When you add just
a bonfire to the people and the drinks, for instance... that’s
evocative magic! Stories happen, memories come forth,
everybody looks fascinating by firelight; people cozy up,
the folks who have to have something to do can always
tend the fire, and those out of the fire’s glow find more
privacy for their conversations if they want it... All from some
wood and a match in the yard! Even the simple can provide
enormous, entertaining complexity. Mmm... memorable.
That leads me to these thoughts on ways to give holiday celebrations
a framework that will captivate your guests...
(After that comes:)
